I have always been a sort-of insomniac. Unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking. I always feel that there is so much to think about, so much to wonder. My thoughts stem from any random word and before I know it, I have reached somewhere in the depths of my dynamic brain that I wonder,” How did I even get here?” my friends pestered me to try meditation, against which my brain said no. But I did it, anyway. I was told that I had to stop making the train of my thoughts run faster and faster. And that I need to break through from the incessant noise of the traffic jam. And visualise the word ‘sleep’. But soon, sleep led to peace and peace led me to a piece of cake and cake led me to that birthday party and the party led to happiness and that to life and that life to my blog…. You get me, right?
I am also someone who talks to herself a lot. Yesterday, I wondered to myself aloud,” When I get up in the morning every day, do I ever feel like there is a spring inside my body which makes me want to get up? Do I ever feel happy waking up? Do I ever feel satisfied when I go to bed at night?” This led me to very deplorable news: have we as humanity come to a stage where we just go about our lives as utter metallic robots?
Let me ask you something. When was the last time that you laughed? Real hard? That laugh where your belly heart, tears came out of your eyes and you felt a little out of breath? What we need to know is that we asked happiness to come to us in small doses. Either we have to pay for them, or we simply like criminals try to steal them from others, what I will call as sadistic pleasure. We have become greedy to an extent where we stereotype successful people as being condescending, morose people who treat humans like garbage. When did we turn out to be such lachrymose and neutral beings who forgot the meaning of life? When did this small green eyed monster creep up on us?
A person in my life, who seems to feel he is quite logical, asks me to divide my sadness and unhappinessness in percentage form. What do I feel sad about? Family, job, friends etc etc. And then I divide my worries on the basis of the how much of mind space is being taken up by them. How much I am being affected by them. And then slowly and gradually, go on about eliminating them. Finding solutions and then bringing the percentage to 0%. Seems satisfactory?
But we humans, grand and magnificent as we maybe, see the solutions in front of our eyes but are either too scared to implement them, or don’t know how to. So what do we do? We go on a mode which I would like to call the Momentary Happiness. We define being happy on the basis of our current state of mind. The now. The moment. If someone appreciated us a few moments back, if someone said something sweet to us a few moments back, we are happy beings. However if something bad happens to us, we didn’t have a good day, or we were squashed, or demeaned in some way, we feel we are sad beings. We feel things are bad and we are not happy. We do not have a happy life.
But what we are unaware of is the menial difference between our feelings and our thoughts. When you feel something, it isn’t something strong. Something fragile. That is because feelings are phenomenal things which are always blurry, always seem to waver. They always cause ripples in the vast expanse of our sea of thought. “I feel happy.” Now how happy do you feel? What kind of happy? What if you were to slip and hurt yourself? Would you be happy then? Or would you curse the bloody heels you were wearing? But thoughts are dangerous. And usually very recurrent. Our mind always stores whatever we see, think, and hear in some part of our brain. So thoughts are also have a way of making us carry out certain tasks and work. They have a power to do something, dangerous or constructive. Isn’t that why you should always be in control of your thoughts, because feelings seem to be just feelings? Or do they actually have an upper hand?
Whatever the case maybe, all you have to be is greedy. And take that small dose of happiness. Because in the end, you don’t want to end up like me: taking up a test online on ‘ How happy you are? ‘