A 16-year-old rants: Embracing myself.
I am a paradoxical creature.
Sometimes I feel that I grew up too fast. I wasn’t certain whether that was a mistake or an accomplishment at that time. At 9 -11 years I was into too many English shows and movies, thereby knowing words that children shouldn’t be knowing in the everything-behind-the-curtain Indian society I am born in. I frequently sauntered around with grown-up girls. Prejudging is the kiss of death, and it isn’t like I became a brat. I have lovely parents who shaped my moral compass well and I blossomed into an intelligent girl. So it seemed like I was mature for my age. Everyone said so. That phase lasted till I was 13 years old. That’s where I, the bundle of contradictions, come in.
Looking back, I don’t think I have grown up at all. I had some pretty ‘assorted’ experiences in life that most people do and did learn from them. But now, the so -called 16 year old I have become does not seem too mature to me. I still have no clue how to go about this world. I always need my mother to rescue me when it comes to the most superfluous of decisions. Confusion is my forte and having expectations from people a habit I am yet to overcome. I swim oceans for people who will never even cross bridges for me. This may seem banal to hear from a hormone-raging teen, but no. When you’re surrounded by a group who knows how to handle politics, what to say and when and get their work done unjustly with the right amount of fawning, you do feel out of place because you aren’t like them. You are too honest, innocent and real for this world.
It was at this moment I realized that I am different from others.
I needed to nurture it. I realized people around me will always be politically correct and I’m never so. Which makes everyone think I’m curt and arrogant, which is false! I’ll always be wrongly understood. People come to me seeking help all the time, maybe because they see an aura around me that I don’t. I love it, when it comes to helping them. Had I not realized that, I would not have found my calling. In fact, I have worldly sophistication but with a tinge of weird/different, which I needed to embrace. And I am learning to do that.
A person said to me that the things he hated about me were the ones he loved. Yes, I think I understand him now. In the core of my heart I know I did grow up fast. I just need to apply the principles of it. No one likes copies, originality is what shines like a diamond. I may deprecate myself, not feel up to the mark and envy others, but hell! I am not perfect, I am different and that is what makes me, me.